The lights were dark but there was an all kind of hollering. A banner came down but it was a little too dark to read it yet. A few bodies paced back and forth and you could hear the sound of a kick drum and a guitar string.
“Boston. This is the last one, it’s called Face Impressions!” Cassie’s foot was up on the amp ready to bounce up and down for the foreseeable future. The song started with a slow soft rise and Cassie was counting down in her head without knowing it.
Forget the face,
forget the place you left it.
Body and breath swaddled
in a bottle of absinthe and abstinence.
There is no place like home,
until you tie someone up
and force them to get comfortable.
Take their face
and spread it clean over the kitchen marble.
Set me a dinner plate.
Grab my throat that’s insane.
Passive pain.
Pass the potatoes.
Button up my shirt
and toss you through the paintless window.
Cassie took her unbuttoned jean jacket off as she turned away from the crowd to Matt who was on his Pearl/Westbury makeshift kit. He winked at her smiling as he hit his floor tom. The crowd was already going crazy so she tossed some water over the people in the front. They had been there for a while so she thought it only seemed fair that she gave them a little essence of the gods. Cassie poured some water in her own mouth getting ready for the bass drop that was about to happen and as Mark’s fingers went from almost touching to worlds apart she spit a stream of water out of her mouth into the air. People in the crowd opened their mouths, they drank in the sustenance she spread, they welcomed openly what she expelled from her body.
Tornadoes do nothing
to what I can pull
from the tips of your fingers
and bed of your skull.
Hair follicles and phalanges
are lining my soul.
I place your eyes carefully
in a bone crusted bowl.
I use them as bubble wrap,
or cherries,
or things I can throw.
Play things
and portraits painted in red,
I would love to see
what is inside your head.
Know what you’re thinking
and regain a brain,
know what you’re drinking
and what caused that stain.
The beat slowed down.
Cassie locked eyes with a girl in the front row and tossed her a smile.
I make PopTarts with windpipes.
I package them up.
French toast from syrup
I found in your gut.
The drummer got off the drum kit and walked down to a standing floor tom. He grabbed two mallets. A spot light shined down on top of Cassie, Matt, and now Mark who was also standing at a similar floor tom set up with his bass guitar swung behind his back.
The two men started a synchronized beat. The entire room felt like it got darker when the light was shining on just them three. The back two spotlights faded down to nothing and now the only thing that existed in the universe was Cassie.
Slow down your breathing,
I want you to feel everything that I’m feeling.
Nothing.
It’s freeing.
Take all your skin cells,
Bundle them up,
Pour all your blood into a cup.
I laced all your soft drinks
with tortoise love,
and laced your hands
into mesh for a glove.
I want something more,
than what is nailed to the door,
I pry up the floorboards,
and keep your face safely stored.
The lights fade to black. The crowd erupts for an encore. Nobody comes back out to play because that isn’t Cassie’s idea of music.
The band usually meets up at whatever bar is closest to the venue after a show. This building was your classic wood bar, brick wall type establishment. The taps flowing out of the old black countertops. Cassie wasn’t going to buy her own drink so she sat and waited for someone to recognize her. A few guys came up and tried to fight their way into her phone or try and flirt with her but when Cassie asked them who she was they had no idea. One guy even said, “you’re sexy,” which meant nothing to her.
“It’s a shame.” a little voice said from a few chairs over from where the band was sitting. Cassie, on the end, looked over and instantly recognized the girl from the front row that she winked at during the breakdown. The girl had bleach blonde hair, fake. With a bright blue streak through it. She had two lip rings, not where you would think, and heavy eye shadow.
“You would think they would at least have enough respect to buy you a drink before coming up to you?” The girl handed Cassie a sweet apple martini.
“Well, thank you little miss, if that isn’t the perfect way to introduce yourself.” Cassie took a drink of the liquor. “How’d you like the show?”
“It was good, but we don’t have to talk about music, I am sure that is all you ever talk about.” The girl said.
“A lot more than people think, which is a lot. What’s your name?” Cassie didn’t usually carry on conversations but this girl seemed interesting to her.
“My name is Dahlia. Not that you have to remember it or anything. I really just intended on buying you a drink, letting you know how thankful I am for what you do, and not bothering you very much.” She said just as she had rehearsed.
“Well if that isn’t the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.” Cassie said. She meant it too. Ever since the band had gotten somewhat big in the scene it was almost like every time anyone had a conversation about anything it was for a reason. It was kind of nice when someone just did something to be kind without expecting something from her. “What do you do?”
“Me? I work at a little book and coffee shop in town called Books & Brews.” Dahlia answered.
“No. I didn’t ask what you do for a living. I asked, “What do you do.”” Cassie replied.
“Oh,” she laughed to herself quietly. “That’s clever, I didn’t know there was a difference.”
Cassie cut her off, “There is a huge difference. One way I am asking what are you forced to do for your own survival, the other way I am asking what do you do that makes you happy?”
“I don’t know if the bookstore is survival, more like getting by. But, I would say what makes me happy is writing.” Dahlia looked down at her phone.
“What do you write?” Cassie asked.
“I like to write lyrics for songs that nobody would ever hear. Music is a big part of my life. I also enjoy trying to write novels but there’s even less of a chance anyone would see those. Nobody ever seems to like anything that I write, it just doesn’t seem real enough.” Dahlia never really talked to anyone about it before.
“I used to have the same problem, you get better the more you practice you just can’t give up on yourself.” Cassie said like she has probably said it a thousand times before. “Fuck, what time do you have? My phone died in Michigan.” She laughed.
“It’s almost 12:45.” Dahlia responded, she had just noticed that the rest of the band had already got up and moved towards the door, “Do you have to get going?”
“There’s nothing left to get back to except sharing a small van with four smelly ass guys, I’m in no rush.” Cassie replied.
Dahlia smiled at that, “Do they really smell that bad?” She asked.
“We have been in that van for three weeks now and I am pretty sure they all brought the same shirt for the entire tour and none of them have washed their balls for the last six weeks.” She said, finishing the rest of her drink.
“Well, if you want you can come back to my place and have a rest and sleep on my couch you are more than welcome, no balls, I promise. Unless you have to get driving tonight.” Dahlia said.
“We have the day off tomorrow so we were planning on sticking around for a while anyways. That would be totally awesome.” Cassie replied.
“Cool, I actually live a few streets over just let me finish my drink and we should be able to walk there.” Dahlia said.
“Okay I’m just going to make sure they don’t leave town without me.” Cassie smiled and got up from the bar. She went to the front door and the little bell rang.
The two of them were walking down the street and there was a tiny little sidewalk so they had to walk somewhat close to each other.
Cassie talked to ease a little of the awkwardness as their elbows rubbed together, “This town is pretty nice.”
“I guess you get to see a lot of the world?” Dahlia responded.
“It depends what you count as the world. Sure I have been to a lot of places, but most of our shows are in the downtown portion of cities, you know? It’s usually interstates and beat up grunge filled city centers. It just isn’t really the same as seeing the world. Everything looks the same. Plus you get to a city the day of the show and have about an hour before the show to go to the bathroom, stretch your legs, grab some shitty food, and then you gotta be back in time to sign a bunch of shit at the venue.” Cassie replied.
“Shit, they make it seem like it’s so much more glamorous than it is. You guys seem pretty big now. Why are you’re still touring in that van?” Dahlia asked.
“Well, I know I complain but we like it. The big busses are really unsafe, a ton of bands have died in crashes, and you don’t get swarmed as much if you drive up to a venue in a rusty grey van.” Cassie answered.
“Fair enough. That’s my house just to the right up there with the front porch” Dahlia said gesturing up to a little back split house. It had barred windows and a pretty hefty front door. Blue side paneling and a cute little front porch with a tiny chair swing.
“This is nice!” Cassie said.
“It’s nothing special but it’s mine.” Dahlia said.
“It beats a van.” Cassie pushed Dahlia, smiled and ran ahead to stand by the door and wait.
As Dahlia opened the door Cassie said, “Home sweet home.” Dahlia laughed at this joke as they both took off their shoes and coats and put them on the couch that was near the door. The inside was a mismatch of furniture found in thrift shops across the mid-united states. It was rather disturbing how all this different looking stuff when brought together looked good, almost like it was meant to belong like this.
Dahlia went into the kitchen and told Cassie to have a seat. She yelled through the little window that connected the rooms, “Are you hungry? Do you want a drink?”
“I could do with a beer or something stronger. I ate just before the show so I’m not too hungry but eat if you are!” Cassie responded back.
Dahlia came back into the room with a few beers, a bottle of whiskey, and some little snacks for them both.
“So travelling all around it must be tough to make friends?” Dahlia asked, genuinely curious.
“It is easy to make friends, it is hard to keep them.” Cassie replied. “I think moving around as much as I do it can be pretty hard to maintain any type of social interaction. Especially when your phone dies as often as mine does.”
“Oh, do you want a charger?” Dahlia asked.
“Yeah, is it for an Iphone?” Cassie replied.
“Yeah, I can go plug it in, it’s in the bedroom!” Dahlia said.
Dahlia got up and went into the room down the hallway past a couple doors. As she left the room Cassie took a sip of her beer and shouted into the back, “Hey, How about that shower?”
“For sure, the bathroom is down the hallway here, there’s towels in there but I don’t have any conditioner, hope that’s fine.” Dahlia replied.
“Yeah, I’m just happy to have some clean water and soap. Thanks again.” Cassie said getting up and heading to the bathroom with her shower beer.
It was a pretty grungy looking bathroom, there wasn’t a window and that made the lights in the bathroom look pretty grey bouncing off the walls and heading back into themselves. It also helped the mold smell spread.
Something was buzzing and Cassie really hoped it was the lights and not some bug somewhere.
She took her clothes off and started the shower so it could warm up. She draped her clothes over where the towels should have been on the holder. She leaned into the little bathroom mirror to inspect her face and check for any random growing hairs on her body. She plucked a shoulder hair, which was odd. There was a knock on the door.
“Come in.” Cassie said.
“Woah!” Dahlia said abruptly while re-shutting the door. “ Holy Hell! Tell me if you are naked! I was just wondering if you had everything you needed? I was just going to get started on setting up a bed for you.”
“It’s okay!” Cassie said laughing to herself. She opened the door and felt Dahlia was leaning against it while talking to her.
Dal looked up from the floorboards and saw the white light grabbing the corners of Cassie’s long legs, followed it up quickly past her body to her glowing eyes.
“You don’t need to be afraid to look at me beautiful girl.” Cass said putting her hand behind her head, her thumb on her cheek. Dahlia couldn’t see her mouth moving from the light meeting the dark of her face.
“I wasn’t afraid I just, I didn’t expect it. I just.” Dahlia stopped.
“What?” Cass pressed her harder.
Dahlia reached in and kissed her. Pushing her across the small bathroom and back into the mirror. It was warm in the bathroom from the heat of the shower. The steam had fogged the mirror. The lights were still buzzing. There was a little bit of music playing from the living room television. The two of them wrapped cold arms from the walk they just took around hot bodies. At first Dahlia was thinking that it was unfair that Cass had a head start already being naked. However that thought vanished when Cassie took her time undressing her. They both got in the shower together. The music grew louder. Their senses grew louder. The world outside the house seemed to dim. The world outside the bathroom didn’t exist. The world outside of each other was nothing. Lips slipping down necks. Hands running up thighs. Water and soap cleaning the world away. Lost in the moment, and then it was done. The shower turned off. The fan turned off. Towels wrapping dripping bodies.
“Do you want another drink?” Dahlia asked.
“I’m parched.” Cass said, grinning. “I’ll meet you out there.”
Dahlia went into the kitchen with her towel wrapped around her chest and grabbed some vermouth and gin. She mixed in a lot of olive juice and a shallot. She poured both drinks in different cups and put them on the kitchen table.
“Hey Cassie? I have a question” She yelled into the bathroom.
“Yeah? What’s that?” Cass yelled back.
“You know the lyrics for the song, Blood Letter?” Dahlia asked.
“Yeah Sweetie?” Cass said, her voice was coming around the corner and into the room.
Dahlia was looking down into her glass. She took a sip and said, “Those lyrics always spoke to me. I didn’t want to come off as a nerdy fan before. I have just always wondered, where do you get the inspiration for stuff like that? You know?” She stopped for a second and recited the lyrics from memory.
Battered and shattered.
Your face in the mud.
I’ll write you a letter,
in something you loved.
Worms in intestines
They’re feeding on mine,
Getting your face in
the feeding line.
Dahlia sang quietly into the kitchen table,
If asking isn’t too much,
I’d like to play games with your blood,
your brain turns straight to mush,
I’ll take my time to bathe in the flood.
Tear at the seams
to see underneath
into my secrets
they’re yours to keep.
Dahlia waited for a response.
Nothing came so she turned. “Cass?”
“You really want to know?” Cass was standing behind her smiling. The hairs on Dahlias neck raised, she did not hear her come in. Cassie was also already fully dressed which instantly made Dahlia more uncomfortable than when she had walked in on her naked in the bathroom. She began to turn around and Cass grabbed her in the back of the neck by the base of her hair and forced her head through the martini glass. It broke apart and tore her face up, sending pieces of glass and skin all over the table. Dahlia was trying to make words work through her broken lips and the glass that got tangled in her rings. Her tooth chipped and got stuck in her throat. She went to push herself off the table which was a mistake. The pieces of glass pierced her palms and her finger folds got sliced open. The shallow veins sent blood shooting from her hands. She couldn’t get a grip on the wet plastic table top. The pain mixed with how slippery it had become made it impossible. She pushed up off the ground with her feet and felt the entire table get pushed forward into the wall. Cassie had her now. Forced against the wall with her chair pinned against Cassie’s hip. Her stomach was pressed against the table top and she couldn’t push herself up. One more try. She grew tired, weak, trying to lift her head up became too much. She dropped her chest to the table, then her face fell against it one last time. Dahlia felt her eye get cut open on a standing piece from the glasses stem. That eye went black. Her face was stuck on the table and she saw a red stream flowing farther and farther away from her. Everything was going quiet and she heard humming behind her as she was growing colder now.
Makeshift martini,
a sip will make you believe me,
steam up the shower,
pretty flower,
taste buds go sour,
I’ll have you for an hour.
Boiling point begins to froth,
blood soaks up the tablecloth,
the glass cuts through skin so soft,
cut you open and I am getting off.
Cassie, left Dahlia lying there on the table and went to the kitchen sink to wash her hands. She grabbed the towels off the stove that were definitely for show only and dried her hands. She threw the cloth down on the table. She needed to write the lyrics down as quickly as possible before she forgot them. She reached into her pocket to grab her phone and write in the note app. She padded her pockets and couldn’t find it and remembered that it was in Dahlia’s room charging.
The room was at the end of the hallway. It was the only door in the house that had been closed. She went to the door and grabbed the handle and jiggled it open.
When the door swung open Cassie eyes started on the ceiling down. Tied to hooks on the ceiling was a bunch of rope hanging with different dolls that looked like miniature versions of herself. Where a bed should be there was a homemade welded combination of knives and sharpened rods. The floor was covered in salt, dirt, and something foul smelling. She saw her phone was nicely plugged in to the charger in the corner. Taking a few steps into the room she looked on the wall by the door where she was standing and saw a big glass mirror almost the entire length of the wall. Covering the corners of the mirror were pictures printed off the internet of Cassies head on different naked pictures of Dahlia. She saw a few pairs of handcuffs already attached to one end of the bed. Open and ready for a waiting hand. Heading more towards her phone she saw a bunch of her lyrics had been written in red all over the walls. The dark room only had a few hanging lights and there was a bunch of buzzing coming from the ceiling and corners of the room. This is when Cassie noticed that the shadows weren’t moving because the hanging lights were swinging, but they were alive. Bugs crawled all along the seams of the cracking plaster. Cassie steps quickened towards the phone, she grabbed it and backed out of the room in haste. She closed the door.
“What a freak.” She whispered to herself.